:: im tired of life ::
4 hours ago
Mary Anne loves Mocha Java Chip.
Creamy, chocolatey, lots of crunchy chocolate bits, cool, refreshing and yummylicious.
*craving for more and more and more*
This is a sequel of my rants from the previous post.
Warning: If you don't like it, don't read it.
You may think: "Ah, she's exaggerating. She has the perfect life." If you think that way, I would say "No, you are wrong, dead wrong." You have no idea how doomed I am. Worst, nothing I do is going to change that black stain that I left. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Although I have been given an alternative but still, it doesn't wipe off the old stain. See, I knew it. I knew that I screwed everything up. One small tiny mistake can change everything. Even if you did it unintentionally. Should I blame myself for the blunder I made when I had no control over it? It has been 5 months since it happened but still I can't get over it. My suspicions were confirmed when I went to make an enquiry earlier. People keep telling me that it isn't my fault. Yes, I just couldn't wake up and no, I will n.e.v.e.r forgive myself for doing that. That's it, all that I have dreamed about won't ever materialise. People that I might encounter in the future would judge me based on that. I will never be able to make a good first impression and I can foresee that I'm going to have a hell of time giving a good explanation for it. There is no way out of it, no way. Yeah, people say that everything happens for a reason. 'Right!' 'Right!' So, what's is the reason this has to happen? I don't see it at all besides giving me tonnes of f***ing problems. My feelings for this has accumulated over the months and I think I could burst anytime one day. I don't see the point in sharing it with anyone as I know nothing they say would make me feel any better.
If I could turn back time, I would turn in back to 19th of June. I only wish I could. T.T
It's like sugar in black coffee. These feelings of mine has turned bittersweet ever since I finished my exams. Why oh why?
Shouldn't I be happy when I'm
1) done for the year
2) leaving for AKL in less that 30 hours
3) leaving for Malaysia in 6 days time.
4) going to be eating all that I have craved for in my food haven, Penang.
5) going to be shopping all I want in wherever I want, lol.
but I'm worried:
1) of SS and what I'm going to for that 6 weeks. Gosh! If only I hadn't been such an idiot, stupid, *^&^$%%$^&*& gal, I.... huhu..
2) what I did unintentionally 5 months back would cause a series of other problems in the future, just like a chain event.
and I feel odd:
1) that I'm not returning to Toroa next year. I'm gonna miss the view from the huge window in front of my desk.
2) that I'm no longer living with the people I live with this year. I hope I made the right choice.
3) living at an entirely different area next year. *crossing fingers that it won't be a noisy street next year.
Sigh, this feeling ain't right. When I don't feel good, my mind wanders and wanders, thinking of nonsense. Countless things passes through my head. This and that mostly.
Honestly, I felt a tiny weeny bit of disappointment when I read it. One will be going back while the other will be returning. There isn't even the slightest possibility of crossing paths. Not that I so eagerly want to, it was just a thought. A thought! You know, it's that good feeling when there is hope. Even the singlest chance brings me happiness. When hope is crushed, you turn sour. You don't look forward to anything. At least, that's what I'm feeling right now. Just like a flower losing one of it's petals. How much one petal can affect the whole flower.
Oh dear, there I go again, crapping. Probably, I'm just tired. I haven't had much sleep in days after the exam with the packing, shopping and all. It's only today that I finally get my well deserved rest. To whoever who reads this, please don't take me seriously. I might just be ranting. might.
I met my baa baa, moo moo and neigh neigh friends a month back but because I was busy with exams, I didn't have the time to post it up. Well, I thought I should post this up to show my fondness for lambs especially. After all, this is Mary the Lamb here. Lol. I love lambs, I heart them.
I remembered I visited the farm on a Wednesday. Although it is my craziest day of the week with 2 classes, a tutorial and a lab, I still went along. That would explain the messiness of my hair as I rushed off straight after my lab for the hall of residence. Basically, I would be at uni from 9 to 5pm. Not anymore now that I have finished the semester. :) Anyways, I si si also wanted to go because I wanted lambs. LAMBS!!! LAMBS!!!! Haha...I am a lamb freak. I love to eat them too. :P
Aren't they adorable? Mine was such a good lamby. Good lamb..good lamb. It sat quietly in my arms while others squealed for their mums. Well, I guess it recognises me as a friend. HAHAHA...
The sheeps' fur ain't that soft and nice to touch ya know. You can't even stroke it properly. It pokie pokie your hands instead.
One thing I learned is that sheeps are soo.. tam chiak. They eat heaps and heaps. From mixed feed, bread and even carrots. O.o
On another note, if you ever visit a farm and when food is being distributed to the sheep, make sure you stand no where in front of the person holding the food. Because if you do, there is a high probability that you would be hit by.....
THIS!!!!!
Lol. They push their way through in a rush for food. I was just standing there and wham, it's butt hit me. Ish...Ish...tam chiak.There was a horse too. Boy was I excited. This would be my first time on a horse. I actually like riding on a horse. It's a lil' bumpy but it was a worthwhile experience.
Next comes the cows. The ones it's milk that I drink almost every other day. =P
Look at this cow's eye. Even cows know how to be photogenic.
Munch..munch..nyam...nyam. When I got back, I had to clean my boots. You know why? Yeah, you are right. There were sheep dunk on the soles. Ewwww.... Haha, but I had fun.
I have a reason to smile and no, the exams are not over yet. Thanks for making my day. Those words were good enough to make me smile for a moment or two.
:)
